Paris

I came to Paris because I was curious.  Curious about the things people see while there, curious about the feelings attained, and how some people can see for miles and miles after they come back.  Like they actually took a useful vacation, and became a new version of themselves. 

On my first day, I got lost in the cryptic streets and the noises meander in my head. 
Paris was where I bought my first pen.  See I use to just write with pencil, making many mistakes and erasing them so not even I could see them later.  The pen made me confident, bold, invincible even.  Paris was where I learned simplicity.  But I knew that every morning, no matter where ever I roamed,  I would find myself at the end of the day.  What I had in mind for Paris was to learn and observe.  To be a student really.  But some days you just want to call in sick, because learning only sounds fun when it's your idea, not the teacher's. 
If you want to be noticed, you can.  If you want to fade in Paris, you can.   Paris had no boundaries or guidelines.  I hate feeling restricted, like there is a right way to do things.  And once I figured that out, wandering Paris was a dream achieved.

IF you really knew me

If you really knew me


 You would know given the option I'd rather watch ESPN than a chick flick.  And that Steve Nash is still my favorite point guard to watch.  You would know that I hate sharing a song that I "found" with some one that doesn't appreciate it.  You'd know that I take things for granted, and now I find myself jealous of every one of my friends after they fight with their dads. 
You would know that just because in a conversation I'm not talking back, doesn't mean whatever you are saying isn't getting processed in my head, or being evaluated. 
If you really knew me you would know that I want to build a simple life. 

You would know that I have too many pairs of shoes that are too clean to be just sitting in its own section in my closet, waiting to be worn. 

You would know I'm very impatient. You would know that I practice more than I play.  And if faced with the choice and I'd have to choose, I'd rather drive by myself in the car.  You would know that I turn the music up way too high because I'm afraid of my own thoughts.  You would know that my mind's always running.  I run from my problems, but I'm chasin my dreams.

If you really knew me you would know I get obsessed with old men like Patrick Dempsey and Kyle Chandler all because of television series. And that I do crunches while I watch.

If you really knew me you would know I'm lookin for some direction. 
You would know my favorite color's orange, and my best friend is my twin.  But that wouldn't of been my answer 9 months ago.  If you really knew me you would know I'm always thinking of the worst outcome first.  And I'm scared to set myself up for failure, so at the last second I'll pull away. 

If you really knew me you would know I still hide snacks in the pantry because I'm saving them for a rainy day.  And just because Seattle rains more than 9 month out of the year, that's where I feel home bound. You'd know that I'm still stuck on my happy childhood that I got to have and maybe that's what keeps me going.